Mommy Lesson #3

YELLING DOESN’T WORK

Yelling does not improve your child’s learning or character development.

This is obvious, right? But many a mom will test her vocal chord’s volume levels in order to try and get her point across.

Mom screaming at kids using megaphone

Have you ever blown a fuse over a child’s incessant, unruly behavior only to find that you were more at fault than your child for not immediately dealing with the problem?

I’ve done this. It’s totally foolish. This tactic only makes matters worse. Plus, it’s disrespectful. We are to treat our children with respect – even when we correct them.

My temperament lies on the calmer, more laid-back side of the personality spectrum but that doesn’t mean that I never get worked up into a frenzy of intense emotions. In fact, I have had overcome a fair bit of anger issues (Only by the process of continually submitting myself to the powerful work of the Holy Spirit!). I’m a strong “feeler” which means that I tend to process situations through an emotional filter before my logic filter kicks in. This is a formula for disaster without God’s help!

I used to think that my long-winded lectures were necessary. This is just a parent’s duty, right? NO. I was wrong.

Proverbs 10:19 gives it to us straight, “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.”

Hold my tongue? Oh, okay…

And then I start to say things like,

You are not listening to me! You sit down and pay attention to what I have to say! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

Think about Jesus. He had strong emotions but He was concise with correction and rebukes. He said what needed to be said and that was that.

Briefly and respectfully say what you need to say and then give your child some time to reflect.

Let them (respectfully) share their point of view. And when they do, be sure to really lean in to listen. Validate their feelings by saying something like, “I see that this is upsetting to you.” Or “I know you don’t like what is happening.”

And let’s remember the wisdom from James 1:19,20, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

The bottom line is this: Yelling doesn’t work.

Planning my reaction works much better.

So I made a plan… And it works!

I wrote down my kids’ common offenses and added a specific disciplinary consequence to each one. This was powerful. It takes all negative emotion out of the moment of crisis and empowers me to logically, lovingly, and prayerfully provide correction.

I don’t want to intimidate my children into obedience; I want to patiently teach and train them in the way they should go.

I want to humbly lead them to the goodness and grace of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

 

 

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6 thoughts on “Mommy Lesson #3

  1. Hi Amy!
    Do you have some examples of what you do for disciplinary consequences? I have a 3 kids under the age of 4. I do A lot of redirecting with my 2 year old. My 4 year old is my lil “in charge” firecracker. I am guilty…..there are some days I feel the only thing I have done is yell at her to “stop messing with her sister” or “go to time out!” Any examples of your techniques would be great. Thanks!

    • Hi Micah! Wow, 3 under 4! You are in the thick of it, sister! Enjoy it as much as possible! Let me see if I can remember… First, I send them to the laundry room (or any designated place away from others) and wait a few minutes until I’m calm and ready to train them.
      If they have dellibrately disobeyed, they receive a swat or 2 on their behind. REMEMBER that we do this when we are emotionally calm and never in anger or resentment. Done in love (with grace-filled prayer & hugs), you are aiding their growth in wisdom! Prov. 29:15 – The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
      If they hit, bite or kick, etc., I’d send them to time-out, followed up by prayer, them asking for forgiveness, and hugs.
      With ugly words you can give “yucky stuff” for them to do — Chores. Have them do any age-appropriate chore that is extra work for them.
      OH, and always have them tell you what they did and why it was wrong. Stay grace-filled. Focusing on OUR need for Jesus. We don’t want disheartened kids who feel hopeless.

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